Eight Reasons Anonymous Should Welcome Glenn Beck With Open Arms

Oh, Glenn Beck.

It seems that Beck has put in an application to join Anonymous. But mere words fail. The only thing you can say about about this video is WAT?

WTF does this even mean? Our heads are hurting, here at Wired.

Blogs are cogitating about this move by Beck and the possible hellfile response the collective might bring on him. But it’s not the first time Beck has poked at the hive. In this wondrous video he takes not only Anonymous on, but its self-proclaimed D&D alignment of Chaotic Good. (Looking at this handy alignment chart from the Wire, we here are Threat Level suspect Beck is Lawful Neutral, like Baltimore Mayor Tommy Carcetti)

More recently, Beck brought us a crazed ramble on the non-starter Anonymous Op to bring down the New York Stock Exchange in October. It’s genuinely hard to tell if he was warming to the collective or not by this point, and then he started talking about lifeboats and bullets and food and we kind of lost him there.

While we’re sure that some anons are thinking of going after Beck for biting its style, and others are just ignoring him, there’s another way we’d like to suggest Anonymous react to Beck.

We have a radical proposal for the hive: Embrace Beck. Don’t flame him or DDoS him or d0x him or anything. In fact, make him your official spokesman. Make him the King of Anonymous. Consider the benefits:

When someone is looking for an Official Statement From Anonymous, you can direct them to ask their questions to Beck and get the hell out of your chan.

We’re pretty sure that if he’s your king, you can crash in his basement when you’re in town. Glenn Beck probably has a pretty nice basement.

New voice for all the videos. Seriously guys, mix it up a bit. There’s so much video of Beck saying anything at all that the remixes really can have him saying anything at all.

A new level of WTF for Anonymous to aspire to. We all need heros.

Hello? Internet Hate Machine amirite?

A strategic alliance with a major gold purchasing base.

You can decorate him. For instance, put a parrot on his shoulder to make him your Pirate King.

You can probably make him cry for America if you try hard enough.